Now I love the English language, and I feel really sorry for any Johnny Foreigner who’s trying to learn it. There are such subtle nuances in pronunciation and spelling and so many things you can do to manipulate it. I mean, you can pepper food with salt, ponder whether Jonah did in fact have a whale of a time, consider that a good way of making the Vatican smell nice might be to spread a good bit of pot-pourri: go on, say it out loud quick!

Here are just some of many questions that may or not require answers:-

• If the Prince of Wales had his name embossed on an item of underwear, would you have an Heir On A G-string’? Pardon? No, ‘Basque In The Sun’ does NOT work
• Are Girls Allowed to sing?
• If nobody knows about it, how would you be able to hear a Secret Policeman’s Bawl?
• Should I feel privileged to have been able to listen as a child to Billy Cotton’s Banned Show?
• Should a large baby be given a Wide Birth?
• Should young swans become members of a Cygnet Ring?
• Would a hymn dedicated to Wyatt Earp’s famous battle be called ‘Gunfight At The OK Chorale’?
• Could pigeons topple a government by means of a Coo d’Etat?
• To Maid Marian, was Robin Hood simply a ‘Beau And Arrow’?
• Should Gorilla Warfare even appear on this list?

Finally, if you support Liverpool but are a little lax in the personal hygiene department, you know what they’ll chant at you? “You Never Wore Cologne”.

Buy for now!