This is a (genuine) set of instructions that came with a wireless microphone manufactured in the Philippines, which I bought when I was running our local pub’s quizzes (the microphone, that is, not the Philippines). I can assure you that the typographical errors, innovative punctuation etc. have been faithfully reproduced and are not mine!

Here goes:-

 “Thanks for purchasing this series of system. This system is reunoined by a Receiver and a handle microphone . Inoder to understanding the operating specification, please read the operating method carefully before use.

 1, Operating Method

1) Adjust the amplifier system or Karaoke system availible to the minimun position . Connect with the signal output lines and insert A and B antennas , but pay attention to insert the correct position of the jacks , A to A and B to B according the following chart.And then connect with AC power , the red indicator goes on this time , In this case the receiver works normally.

2) Hole the microphone tightly with your left hand and unscrew the body counterclock wise according to the following chart shown , install a battery in to fit the right terminals , then turn it firmly . Set the switch to the ON position , the indicator doesn’ t go on, If the battery is low voltage , it dose , But the indicator on the receiver should shines in this period . If the green indicator shines , the proper indicator A on the receiver shines too . If the red one shines too , so does indicator B on the receiver , It shows that the system has been adjusted , it will be used . Adjust the volume you like when you speak to the speaskers to avoid a sharp voice conducted by them.

Note: Don’ t put a CD system or laser system together with the main unit to avoid them disturbing each other. If you want the radio sender in a good position,don ‘t tuch the net head of the microphone when you are singing“

Don’t worry, I didn’t (tuch the net head or sing)!